Your child is going in for surgery, and you are filled with fear and what-ifs. No matter the age of your child or the reason for surgery, losing control of what will happen to your child can bring even the most level parent to their knees with worry.
Having lost a child already makes this an even harder ordeal. Knowing our fears are usually irrational and not based on real facts does nothing to ease the fear of losing another child. We already know we are not immune. Our bubble has been removed. That bubble of ignorance and illusion that most parents can hide behind that disasters only happen to other people.
From the moment they wheel our children away until we see them, we hold our breath. No reassurances work. Most times, we are plagued with flashbacks about our lost children since most bereaved parents deal with PTSD. All we can do is try to hope for the best and mentally prepare ourselves for the worst.
Waiting is the worst, and as we watch the clock, it seems to stand still. Every second past the predicted time of surgery sends us more into a panic. To others, we may appear irrational when in reality, everything we go through is totally normal. I have found it very beneficial to let my children’s doctors and caretakers know ahead of and during why we need special consideration and most times found that they will be extra gentle and try and ease our discomfort.
But nothing will bring us out of our panic mode till that moment we finally get to see and hold our kids. That first moment is usually filled with tears building up in the hours of waiting and then transitions into relief. There is no better feeling than being able to comfort and help our kids.