News – Heike’s Life

As a German living in the US for the last 30 years, I probably had a more unique reaction than the average American to what happened in Magdeburg last night. At first, I was shocked and saddened to hear about the terror attack and all the families that will be affected by the loss of loved ones or dealing with injuries themselves and their families so close to Christmas. Then, I started to mourn the state of what had become of my home country. The place my heart belongs to and will always be my home, no matter how many years I have lived abroad in the US. I visit yearly and do not like what I see and hear. The Germany I grew up in, loved, and cherished is gone and broken. There is such a disconnect between the people and the government that I am afraid to entertain even what it will lead to. As my shock wore off last night, the third and most telling emotion I experienced hit me. The minute they released the name of the suspect they arrested and realized it was an immigrant and a doctor, none the less I was like, damn, I am so tired of this. Why throw a grenade into a pot that is over-boiling already? Just earlier that morning, while on the phone with my mom, who still resides in Germany, I was telling her how sick I was of only hearing people complain about refugees and immigrants. I mean, I see the changes. I know my home country is slowly vanishing. When I go for a walk, I mostly see non-Germans. While standing at the bus station, I mostly hear foreign languages. Germans are afraid to go out at night. As a woman, I am discouraged not to wear any revealing clothing, which really pisses me off. I do not like the feeling that all we have worked towards as women is all of a sudden pushed back 100 years. I listen to people, including my friends and family, mostly talk about the immigration issue. Every time it happens, I feel uncomfortable because it all sounds so racist to me, which I know is not the case, but I prefer not to look at my country of love too closely and see the deep-rooted issues. So yes, when I realized it was an immigrant, I felt defeated and angry at the same time because I was tired of defending and trying to see the best in the whole situation, only to have my blinders ripped off again. It's very hard to stay compassionate in the wake of senseless killing. And how a few bad apples can ruin it for the rest. I sit here thinking about what reason one could possibly have to take a car and blow into a crowd of people celebrating the season and kill and injure numerous, including killing a child. Someone so innocent was not allowed to grow up because some insane person decided to entice Terror. Being an immigrant myself, I know the importance of integrating people from other countries. It pained me, but I realized early on that English had to be their first language. I had to give up some customs and make room for others. Today, I will mourn for the victims. I will pray for Germany to be able to heal from this attack. I pray for peace and understanding, of which there is little of these days there. Image: AP