Me Too

Having just turned 48 had me thinking about my whole life.

All my trials and my accomplishments, and looking back on my life, I can’t help but feel like a huge failure and fraud.

I have spent months replaying my whole existence over and over in my head, and I am not happy with what I see.

The only thing I am immensely proud of is how I tried to raise my daughter. The values I instilled in her and how  I tried to make sure she would never be in a situation like mine.

In the “Me Too” movement, I have seen so many incorrect and ignorant responses by people who have no clue what it was like to grow up in the past as a girl. We were not raised to stand on our own two feet, but more to serve men, and if we did complain because someone wronged us were told we needed to grow a thicker skin.

Sadly this wasn’t just the case with strangers but even with family, work, and friends of the family, and yet people still wonder how a woman who was wronged in her younger years could keep it a secret for 30-plus years without speaking up.

Well, I am tired of reading. Tired of watching women being questioned, judged, and ridiculed for finally speaking the truth.

I rarely comment because I feel I have no leg to stand on because my biggest secret is I am one of them. I have tried to speak up a few times and confront people from the past, but even after 30 plus more years, it gets played down, and I am told to either “let it go” or “that it was nothing.”

I know what it means to be abused, groomed, stalked, and raped, and it ruined my life. It made me into a fearful woman that spends more time hiding than actually living her life.

I hid, and I lied. I lied to protect people who could be hurt by the truth and lied because I needed to pretend that I was not a victim, and I am finally to the point where I am tired of doing so.

I have struggled all the years feeling worthless and with no way out when the reality is the only way out is going through it.

Not only did my past affect me, but it also affected my marriage, children, and whole life quality.

So this is my start at making a change, and I don’t care who this truth hurts. Still, I plan on working on myself and speaking the truth piece by piece, and hopefully, I can help some other women in the same situation about their past or a girl that is going through it right now.

We are worth being heard and should not be held prisoners of our past because it makes other people feel uncomfortable.

To be continued…